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Unger the Influence

Unger & Thirst

Feds to Open Forty New Safe Schmaunt Fat Injection Sites

November 21, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON The federal government just announced this week a plan to open up more than forty supervised injection sites in Mennonite communities around the country. “We’re going to provide people with cottage cheese and […]

Unger Suspicion

Confused Hollywood Star Candice Bergen Shows Up at House of Commons in Ottawa

November 4, 2019 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Hollywood actress Candice Bergen was very excited when she heard that she had received 77% of the vote in the Canadian riding of Portage-Lisgar during the recent federal election. “Wow, thanks, folks! I […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winkler Sees Surge in ‘West Reserve Alienation’ After Election Results

October 24, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Residents of the former Mennonite West Reserve (or Jantsied as it’s more commonly known) have become increasingly disenchanted with the state of politics at the present day. This feeling of alienation is so […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Couple Accidentally Cancel Out Each Other’s Vote

October 21, 2019 Andrew

MITCHELL, MB The Hieberts stopped by at the polls during their lunch break today intent on doubling the power of their votes by casting their ballots for the same candidate. “Normally we discuss this ahead […]

Unger Suspicion

Local Paper Candidate Asking for Your Vote on Monday

October 20, 2019 Andrew

KLEINESCHANTZENBERG, SK After a vigorous campaign that involved getting a name on a ballot and laying about on a desk for the next six weeks, the local Paper candidate is hoping for your vote on […]

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