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Unger the Influence

Unger Conviction

New “Freedom Convoy” to Liberate Mennonites from their Own Church Leaders

January 29, 2022 Andrew

AYLMER, ON Thousands of Mennonites gathered in southern Ontario this weekend to finally face the biggest threat to their personal freedoms: their own church leadership. “For years they’ve told us, ‘Hey, look over there, the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Convoy of Mennonite Truckers On Their Way To Ottawa

January 25, 2022 Andrew

ELMIRA, ON A convoy of Mennonite buggies are snaking their way through the country roads all the way from Elmira to Ottawa to demand their right to quilt whatever patterns they so choose. “Who’s Trudeau […]

Unger & Thirst

Winkler Supermarket Starts Selling Liquor to Convince Mennonites to Cover Their Faces

January 20, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Earlier this week Winkler’s favourite grocery store Seea Goot Mart added vodka and rum to store shelves in an effort to convince locals to cover their faces like they’re supposed to. “I guess […]

The Daily Bonnet

Province Totally Gives Up on Oma Krahn Fight

January 13, 2022 Andrew

VANAPAG, MENNOTOBA After getting their behinds whooped by a kindly Mennonite grandmother for the past couple weeks, the provincial government has decided that this Oma Krahn is just too much to handle and will no […]

Unger Conviction

10 Totally Bogus Religious Exemptions You Can Demand Right Now!

October 29, 2021 Andrew

Got a pebble in your shoe? Is something irking or irritating you? Are you looking for a totally bogus religious exemption? Well, you’ve come to the right place! As of today, I’m officially declaring the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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