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Unger the Influence

Unger the Influence

Protestors Excited that Trudeau is Finally Single

August 2, 2023 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON For a few years now, thousands of Justin Trudeau’s most passionate admirers have taken to the streets with signs that, albeit rather crass, nevertheless have expressed their undying love for the Prime Minister. […]

Unger the Influence

Canadian Prime Minister Declines Offer to Have Sex with Protestor

July 17, 2023 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON A memo released by the PMO this week has finally provided a response to the hundreds of offers for intimate relations with the Prime Minister of Canada that have arisen over the past […]

Unger the Influence

Pierre Poilievre Debuts New Mennonite Look

July 10, 2023 Andrew

LINDEN, AB Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre felt his current look was “just not conservative enough” and debuted a lovely new Mennonite beard this week. “Kind of a miracle really. Took me just three days to […]

Unger the Influence

Daring Young Women Brave Enough to Wave Canadian Flag in Nation’s Capital

July 9, 2023 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Two young women, Beatrice Penner, 21, and Agatha Plett, 24, braved the streets of Toronto earlier this week to show off their nation’s colours. “I was worried people would think we were the […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Grandma Smuggles Baking Powder into White House, Plans to Make Zwieback

July 6, 2023 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Mrs. Janzen of Goessel, Kansas has been arrested in the nation’s capital this week after smuggling a Ziploc bag full of what she says is baking powder into the White House. “I thought […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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