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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Local Grocery Store Opens New ‘Mennonite Aisle’

October 11, 2018 Andrew

LYNDHURST, VA Desperate to capitalize on the growing Mennonite market, the local Thrift-and-Save Grocery Barn has decided to open up an aisle dedicated to things that Mennonites tend to purchase such as sausage, German Bibles, […]

Unger & Thirst

Shocking Details Revealed in Margins of Mennonite Woman’s Cookbook

October 9, 2018 Andrew

BOW ISLAND, AB Mrs. Kehler had the great misfortune of leaving her Mennonite Treasury Cookbook sitting out on the counter when she lay down for a nice afternoon nap this past Sunday. Soon photos of […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Tinkers with Grandma Penner’s Recipes

October 6, 2018 Andrew

HOCHFELD, MB For the past three years, local bachelor Darryl Penner, 41, has been attempting to improve his grandmother’s beloved Mennonite recipes and, just this past weekend, he finally decided to reveal his improved versions […]

Unger & Thirst

Coming this October to a Mennonite Church Near You: Pumpkin Spice Baptisms!

October 4, 2018 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Desperate to capture the lucrative 25-40 market, the First Mennonite Brethren Church of Fresno has decided that all baptisms during the month of October will be conducted with Mrs. Jansen’s famous pumpkin spice […]

Unger & Thirst

Anti-Fracking Protestors Shut Down Schmaunt Fat Production

September 17, 2018 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Dozens of angry protestors showed up to La Crete City Hall this past week to protest the fracking of schmaunt fat. “Fracking is an unsafe method of schmaunt fat extraction,” said Billy […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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