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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Breaks Five Teeth on Oma’s Rock Hard Papanat

November 1, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Local man Dick Brandt underwent emergency dental surgery this week after cracking four molars and an incisor on Oma Brandt’s notorious rock hard päpanät. “Diewel, Oma’s päpanät are hard yet,” exclaimed Mr. Brandt, […]

Unger & Thirst

Italian Canadians Object to Trudeau’s New Carbonara Tax

October 29, 2018 Andrew

TORONTO, ON There is growing opposition in Canada’s Italian population to the Trudeau government’s proposed ‘Carbonara Tax.’ According to experts, the new tax, will affect millions of Italians and lovers of Italian food across the […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Daredevil to Consume Pickles and Milk Together

October 28, 2018 Andrew

RANDOLPH, MB Local man Joel Toews, 23, is known throughout Randolph (nee Chortitz) for his reckless abandon and death-defying stunts. But his most impressive stunt is yet to come as, this weekend, Joel will be […]

Unger & Thirst

Steinbachers ‘Super Excited’ to Finally Have Some Sort of Prohibition Once Again

October 25, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB After decades of being the only community in Manitoba to ban alcohol sales, Steinbach has felt a little out-of-sorts since the first liquor store opened in 2009. So, this October, as Canada legalized […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Children Horrified as Grandpa Takes a Bite out of ‘Petunia Rhubarb’

October 21, 2018 Andrew

REINLAND, MB The Brandt kids were settling in for a nice lunch with Grandma and Grandpa, when things got a little awkward. Grandma came into the house and presented the children with a lovely array […]

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