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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Jaws of Life Required to Extract Red Candy from Oma’s Candy Bowl

December 28, 2018 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Emergency crews were overworked this holiday season extracting red raspberry candies that had become clumped together in Oma Penner’s candy bowl. “Try as they might, the kids just couldn’t get a candy out […]

Unger & Thirst

No Tüte for Naughty Uncle Corny This Year

December 26, 2018 Andrew

BLUMENFELD, SK Grandma Peters has left Uncle Corny off the tüte list this year after it was discovered he had slept in and missed church three times over the past year. According to sources close to […]

Unger & Thirst

Mrs. Friesen’s Plumi Moos Now 100% Mouse Free

December 21, 2018 Andrew

HOCHFELD, MB Mrs. Friesen would like to clear up a misunderstanding that has been going on for years: her world famous plumi moos contains nothing but plums. “It’s vegan,” said Mrs. Friesen. “No mice involved. […]

Unger & Thirst

Introducing the All New 2019 Toyota Platz

December 17, 2018 Andrew

NAGOYA, JAPAN Toyota has just announced the return of their popular Platz model. Originally only available in Japan in the early 2000s, Toyota has responded to the demands of North American Mennonites and unveiled an […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Deliberately Leaves Out Essential Ingredient in Recipe

December 13, 2018 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC Mrs. Brandt of Chilliwack has often been asked to share her delicious recipes with others, but, so far, not a single person has been able to replicate her dishes. “I don’t know what […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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