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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Finally Returns His Empties

April 20, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB After accumulating ten years worth of empties in his unfinished basement, local man Carl Toews, finally decided it was time to return them and get his 5 cent per bottle deposit. “Most Mennonites […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Could Recognize Mrs. Dueck’s Buns Anywhere

April 14, 2019 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB Mrs. Dueck’s buns are so easily recognizable that Mrs. Unger could immediately identify them at the church bake sale this past week. “She doesn’t even need to put her name on them,” said […]

Unger & Thirst

Children Not So Happy After Dad Drives Off with Happy Meals on the Roof of His Car

April 14, 2019 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Mr. Earl Penner had some explaining to do after he inadvertently drove off with the kid’s Happy Meals on the roof of his car. “I came home and I was, like, ‘Well, we’ve […]

Unger & Thirst

Taunte Helen’s Coleslaw Declared ‘National Historic Site’

April 4, 2019 Andrew

BLUMENHOFF, MB A coleslaw that Taunte Helen brought over from the old country in the 1920s and continues to serve at potlucks and family gatherings has been declared a ‘National Historic Site’ by the government […]

Unger & Thirst

Stash of Roll Kuchen Discovered Beneath Trudeau’s Desk

March 21, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Prime Minister Justin Trudeau had to apologize to the Canadian people once again this past week after a stash of delicious roll kuchen was discovered hidden beneath his desk in the House of […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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