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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

“Expiration Dates Are Just Recommendations,” Claims Mennonite Woman

February 3, 2019 Andrew

YARROW, BC For the past few decades, Mrs. Penner has been amassing a huge collection of expired food items in her refrigerator and pantry. The problem, it seems, is Mrs. Penner’s extreme distrust of so-called […]

Unger & Thirst

Fast Food Chain Sells Farmer Sausage Filled with 80% Sawdust

January 26, 2019 Andrew

BLUMENHOCH, MB A new Mennonite fast food chain has been caught cutting corners by filling their farmer sausage mostly with sawdust. “It seems they’re taking notes from their fast food competitors,” said local food critic […]

Unger & Thirst

Molson Drinkers Really Excited About Canada Food Guide’s Recommendation to Drink More Water

January 23, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON The new Canada Food Guide was released this week and is already causing quite the stir. The new guidelines suggest that Canadians should eat more vegetables and whole grains, while “making water your […]

Unger & Thirst

“I Could Make it Myself Better and Cheaper”: Mennonite Woman Refuses to Buy Anything at Church Bake Sale

January 18, 2019 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB While examining the offerings at the Grunthal Church fundraising bake sale this week, Mrs. Kehler refused to buy a single item, claiming that everything she saw she “could easily make at home much […]

Unger & Thirst

Grandma Stocks Up On Discount Christmas Oranges For Next Year

January 1, 2019 Andrew

CHORTITZ, SK Mrs. Harms, 71, of Chortitz is already stocking up on Mandarin oranges, pistachio pudding mix, salted peanuts and halva for next year’s Christmas celebration. “It’s absolute madness at the grocery store today,” said […]

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