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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Made from What’s Real: New Winnipeg Slogan Pays Tribute to City’s Heritage of Sausage Making

June 10, 2022 Andrew

VANAPAG, MB The City of Winnipeg has adopted a new slogan as tribute to the community’s long heritage of making really good kubasa and formaworscht using nothing but the most thoroughly-cleaned natural casings. “Some of […]

Unger & Thirst

BC to Decriminalize Up to 2.5 Grams of Borscht

June 7, 2022 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC As of July 1 this year, the government of British Columbia will decriminalize possession of up to 2.5 grams of cabbage borscht, so long as it’s for personal use. “Borscht is a health issue,” said […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Denied Boarding for Carrying Two Ice Cream Pails of Jreewe

June 6, 2022 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Mrs. Deirdre Giesbrecht was denied boarding of JantsiedJet Flight 606 this afternoon after her ice cream pails full of cracklings were declared a “liquid” and therefore not suitable for carry-on luggage. “Oba nay! […]

Unger & Thirst

New Reports Claims Children Just Faking It, Most Absolutely Love Broccoli and Brussels Sprouts

June 4, 2022 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON A new Health Canada study shows that kids have been fooling us the entire time. According to research, Canadian children report broccoli, brussels sprouts, and green peppers among their absolute favourite foods. “It […]

Unger & Thirst

Man Disguised as Mennonite Woman Smears Schmaunt Fat on Mona Lisa

May 31, 2022 Andrew

PARIS, FRANCE The world’s most famous painting was defiled this afternoon with a delicious white cream gravy known to Mennonites as “schmaunt fat.” “I don’t really think of it as defilement really,” said head of […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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