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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Mennonites Gather at Relief Sale to Get their Hands on Fresh Tea Balls

May 28, 2022 Andrew

NEW HAMBURG, ON While the New Hamburg relief sale has dozens of delicious treats from donuts and fleisch piroschki to cream buns and roll kuchen, what Mennonites really like to bring out this time of […]

Unger & Thirst

“Chip Shortage” Sends Mennonites into a Panic

May 23, 2022 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Word of a “chip shortage” sent Mennonites into a panic this week as thousands of Klassen and Duecks grabbed whatever chaps they could find on the shelves. “The La Cocina were the first […]

Unger & Thirst

Second Bag of Old Dutch Chips Discovered in Box

May 15, 2022 Andrew

CALGARY, AB Area Mennonites are calling it a miracle after a second bag of onion and garlic “chaps” were discovered in an Old Dutch box this weekend. “All these years I never looked past that […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Couple Shares Single Plate at Mother’s Day Buffet

May 10, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Dan Neufeld decided to treat his wife Kristie to a lovely Mother’s Day Smorg this past Sunday and the best thing about it was that it only cost him $16. “Oh, no need […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Sells Margarine Container to Elon Musk for $44 Billion

April 29, 2022 Andrew

FRESNO, CA After months of heated negotiation, Mrs. Eleanor Brandt of Fresno just sold her top margarine container to investor Elon Musk for a record $44 billion. “He took it no questions asked,” said Mrs […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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