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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Experts Now Say Schmaunt Fat Leaked from Lab in Winkler

March 6, 2023 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Experts are now saying the explosion of delicious schmaunt fat over the last few years did not arrive naturally but likely originated from a top secret laboratory in Mrs. Froese’s summer kitchen. “Oba, […]

Unger & Thirst

McDonald’s is Launching Farmer Sausage Big Mac Across Canada

March 2, 2023 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC After the roaring success of the new chicken-variation on a Big Mac, McDonald’s is now looking to combine even more unconventional meats  with their signature overly soft buns and their not-so-secret sauce. “The […]

Unger & Thirst

‘Knackzoat Bear’ Tells the Strange True Story of a Grizzly Hooked on Spitz

February 26, 2023 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Mennonites have been lined up outside the Altona Not-So-Famous Players Theatre this week to see Knackzoat Bear, a film loosely based on the true story of a Grizzly who consumed an entire bag […]

Unger & Thirst

Adventurous Steinbach Couple Discover Strange Exotic New Restaurant Called Burger King

February 25, 2023 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB The Unraus of Steinbach are known for being among the most adventurous eaters in town, having “tried scallops once,” and even dined at a non-chain restaurant on two or three occasions. “I guess you […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Calls 911 Because Her Whopper is Not a Big Mac

February 24, 2023 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Lines at Steinbach’s brand new Burger King location snaked all the way to Winkler this afternoon, but some locals were not satisfied with what they discovered when they finally arrived at the restaurant. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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