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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Proposes Massive Sunflower Field for Portage and Main

May 2, 2023 Andrew

VANAPAG, MB Adding to the long list of brilliant new proposals for Winnipeg’s most famous intersection, local man Abe B. Wall has submitted a proposal to convert Portage and Main into a massive field of […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Young People Invade Perkins on Fermor

April 28, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After attending a Christian punk rock show at Southdale Baptist, a group of Mennonite College and Career kids from Steinbach have decided to stop for some French Silk pie and coffee at Perkins […]

Unger & Thirst

Thousands Line Up for CMU’s Annual Farmer Sausage Blowout

April 27, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The lineup at CommonWord stretched more than three miles down Shaftesbury Blvd. this week for CMU’s annual farmer sausage sale. “We’re Canadian Mennonite University’s bookstore and resource centre so naturally we have a […]

Unger & Thirst

Béchamel Sauce Revealed to be Nothing More than Schmaunt Fat

April 21, 2023 Andrew

PARIS, FRANCE The white roux known as béchamel sauce has been revealed to be nothing more than the Russian Mennonite peasant dish known as schmaunt fat. The revelation sent shockwaves across the haute cuisine community. […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonites Suspected in $20 Million Golden Syrup Heist at Pearson Airport

April 20, 2023 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Close to $20 million worth of Rogers Golden Syrup and other valuables were stolen at Pearson Airport in Toronto this morning and police are already on the lookout for various Friesens, Reimer, and […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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