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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Farmer Sausage Added to Subway Meat Options

August 31, 2023 Andrew

KLEINFELD, SK Thousands of Mennonites have petitioned the Canadian government to intervene at Subway restaurants and provide meat options that match their particular palate. “I’m tired of being discriminated against with a lack of Mennonite […]

Unger & Thirst

First Time In-N-Out Customers Accidentally Order “Doggie Style” Burger

August 26, 2023 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Lois and Pete Janzen were visiting their cousins in Fresno, California this week when they decided to try the only burger place that has Bible verses on the cups. “Naturally, if you’re in […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Sets Off Rocket After Calling the Kids in for “Launch”

August 20, 2023 Andrew

PINECRAFT, FL Mrs. Kroeker was vacationing with the family in Florida this week, when she inadvertently launched a rocket ship over in Cape Canaveral. “Oba, I was just calling in the kids for launch yet,” […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Caught Skipping Family Gathering to Hang Out at The Public

August 12, 2023 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Dave Isaac of Yarrow, BC drove all the way out to southern Manitoba this week for the bi-annual Isaac Gathering, but wound up spending the entire weekend at The Public Brewhouse and Gallery […]

Unger & Thirst

Entire Province Forced to Live Like Mennonites as Liquor Stores Close

August 11, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Manitoba’s Mennonite population surged to 1.4 million this week as liquor stores across the province have forced everyone to become teetotalers. “What the hell am I going to drink this weekend?” said local […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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