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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Groundhog Predicts Early Paska Buns this Year

February 2, 2024 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Winkler Willie, the Mennonite world’s most famous groundhog, has just announced there will be an early spring this year, meaning southern Manitobans will be able to enjoy paska buns sooner rather than later. […]

Unger & Thirst

McDonald’s Installs New Extra Uncomfortable Furniture to Prevent Mennonite Men from Sitting Around All Day Drinking Coffee

January 7, 2024 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Area man Albert Plett, 51, smashed the record at his local McDonald’s restaurant this week by becoming the first person ever to make it through five McNuggets and a handful of fries without […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman’s Sour Cream Container Shockingly Contains Sour Cream

January 6, 2024 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Mrs. Nettie Rogalsky of Saskatoon shocked fellow residents at Menno Dreams Retirement Home this week after it was revealed that all the sour cream containers in her freezer contained, well, sour cream. “I’ve […]

Unger & Thirst

Local Abes Rush to Purchase Last Remaining Chocolate Letter A

January 4, 2024 Andrew

WINKLER, MB When word got out that the Winkler Co-op had just one more chocolate letter A in stock, local Abes rushed to get their hands on it. “Diewel! Looks like Abe Kehler beat me […]

Unger & Thirst

What do you call these things?

December 31, 2023 Andrew

They’re an annual tradition, something that brings Mennonites of all shapes and sizes together, but one thing we can’t agree on – just what do you call those golden balls of a New Year’s deliciousness? […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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