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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Bids Fond Farewell to Future Farmer Sausage

July 26, 2023 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB Earlier this week, Mrs. Erin Neufeld, 22, of Grunthal, Manitoba paid her last respects to her beloved pig Stockwell, named after the former leader of the Canadian Alliance Party. “I’ll be seeing you […]

Unger & Thirst

Canadian Mennonite Dares to Try the Hot Sauce from Mexican Import Store

July 19, 2023 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Area man Andrew Siemens has become the first Canadian Mennonite ever to follow his Mexican cousin to the import store and try the hot sauce. “Dietschlaunt, that’s hot!” exclaimed Andrew, encountering the mildest […]

Unger & Thirst

Local KFC Sees 50% Reduction in Diarrhea After Getting Rid of Taco Bell

July 13, 2023 Andrew

ELKHART, IN Students at Anabaptist Mennonite Theological Seminary in Elkhart have reported a significant reduction in diarrhea cases this semester after the local KFC kicked out the adjoining Taco Bell. “Quite frankly, it’s a relief,” […]

Unger & Thirst

Strangers on Russlaender Train Agree to Swap Recipes

July 12, 2023 Andrew

SOMEWHERE IN NORTHERN ONTARIO, ON In what has been described as the most nefarious plot in Mennonite history, two complete strangers on the Russlaender 100th Anniversary train trip across Canada have agreed to swap zwieback […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Grandma Smuggles Baking Powder into White House, Plans to Make Zwieback

July 6, 2023 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Mrs. Janzen of Goessel, Kansas has been arrested in the nation’s capital this week after smuggling a Ziploc bag full of what she says is baking powder into the White House. “I thought […]

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