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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Fraser Valley Mennonites Survive Winter on Nothing but Raspberry Preserves

March 31, 2017 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Mennonite across the Fraser Valley have made it through yet another winter thanks to their bountiful supply of raspberry and strawberry preserves. “Thank the Lord that my grandma taught me canning,” said local woman Alexis Friesen, […]

Unger & Thirst

Irish Mennonites Celebrate St. Patrick’s Day With Green Perogies

March 17, 2017 Andrew

DUBLIN, IRELAND Ireland’s small but growing Mennonite community will be honouring St. Patrick today by dyeing all their perogies green. “We’ve adopted a lot of the Russian Mennonite customs and food,” said Pastor Abe F. […]

Unger & Thirst

Fancy Mennonite Restaurant Offers $200 21-course Tasting Menu

March 14, 2017 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY Noted Mennonite chef and restauranteur Joël Ramsay Klassen has elevated Mennonite cuisine to new levels with his Madison Park restaurant Le Scheen Aufdank, which offers an extensive tasting menu featuring molecularized versions of popular […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Uses the Same Tea Bag for a Record Ten Years

March 8, 2017 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB Area woman Ms. Deloris B. Pankratz has just tied the Blumenort record for continual use of a single tea bag. Reporters throughout the region will be present at her afternoon lady’s Bible study tomorrow […]

Unger & Thirst

Young Man Swears Off Farmer Sausage When He Discovers the Truth About Natural Casings

February 27, 2017 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Herman Loeppky, 21, of the La Crete area took to Facebook on Thursday to express his revulsion upon learning just exactly what his Mom had been cooking him every Monday, Thursday, and Friday […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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