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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Pastor’s Wife Offers Makeup Lessons

November 19, 2017 Andrew

BLUFFTON, OH Mrs. Alice Steiner, 52, piano teacher and pastor’s wife at East Bluffton Mennonite Church, has graciously agreed to offer makeup lessons to any and all parishioners who “need a few tips.” “I really […]

Unger Conviction

Bench Clearing Brawl at Mennonite Church Hockey Tournament

November 15, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB A massive bench-clearing brawl involving more than twenty players, four coaches, and dozens of spectators broke out at the annual MBEM hockey tournament this weekend. The brawl was reportedly triggered after it was […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor’s Peace Sermon Sparks Riot

November 14, 2017 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Thirty people were hospitalized and there was an estimated $12 million in property damage after Reverend Hershberger preached a twenty minute sermon on the topic of peace this past Sunday. The sermon entitled, […]

Unger Conviction

Visitor to Mennonite Church Blinded By All the Blond Hair

November 3, 2017 Andrew

BLUMENHOF, MB Winnipeg resident Angela Ricci, 28, was rushed to the hospital this past Sunday after being temporarily blinded by the overabundance of blond hair at Blumenhof Mennonite Church. “That volume of blond hair can […]

Unger Conviction

Martin Luther Costumes Flying Off the Shelves this Halloween

October 31, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB 500 years after the Protestant Reformation, Martin Luther has become the hottest costume this Halloween surpassing sales of Wonder Woman, Batman, and the entire cast of Game of Thrones. “Kids just seem to […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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