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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Church New Year’s Eve Party Over By 8 PM

December 31, 2017 Andrew

OMAHA, NB Revellers at the Omaha Mennonite Church plan to ring in the New Year in the church basement tonight with hymn singing, board games, and Grandma Jansen’s onion dip. The festivities are scheduled to […]

Unger Conviction

Man Escapes Mennonite Section of Heaven, Shocked at What He Finds

December 30, 2017 Andrew

HEAVEN Mr. Abe Penner passed away in January 1968 and, for almost fifty years, had been living a quiet peaceful existence in the Mennonite section of Heaven, blissfully unaware of the vast expanse of Paradise […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Accidentally Sings Hymn 666

December 29, 2017 Andrew

NEUKRONSTHAL, AB A small town Mennonite church caused quite the uproar this past Sunday when the worship leader accidentally told parishioners to “turn in their hymnals to number 666.” “Waut de shissjat is this yet?” […]

Unger Conviction

Rubbers Completely Fill Mennonite Church Lobby

December 27, 2017 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB Chaos and confusion erupted at the North Blumenort Mennonite Church over the holidays as the lobby became filled to the brim with old men’s black rubber overshoes. Things became especially heated when Mr. […]

Unger Conviction

‘What Church Do You Go To?’ Declared Official Steinbach Greeting

December 20, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB On the quaint streets of the beautiful, growing Mennonite city of Steinbach, Manitoba, many residents still greet strangers with “what church do you go to?” as if it’s the most normal question in […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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