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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Local Church Adds Cake-Baking to List of Holy Sacraments

June 6, 2018 Andrew

DENVER, CO A small church just outside of Denver, Colorado has voted overwhelmingly to add cake-baking to its list of holy sacraments. Starting this July, church members will be required to participate in baptism, communion, […]

Unger Conviction

Entire Mennonite Town Becomes One Giant Escape Room

May 22, 2018 Andrew

NEUSCHANZENSCHULTZ, MB The small Mennonite village of Neuschanzenschultz, Manitoba has inadvertently become the world’s largest escape room after years of ostracizing and shunning any resident who steps out of line or thinks for themselves. “They […]

Unger Conviction

Unmarried Couple Caught Holding Hymnal Together

May 15, 2018 Andrew

FRESNO, CA An unmarried couple at South Fresno Mennonite are facing intense scrutiny after they were caught grasping opposite corners of the same hymnal during a rousing rendition of ‘Blessed Assurance’ this past Sunday. The […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor Asks for Standing Desk, Told He Already Has One

April 30, 2018 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Fresh out of seminary, Pastor Dave was really excited about his new Associate Pastor position at East Mennonite until he discovered first hand just how frugal the church board can be. Dave was […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Quartet Breaks Up After Discovering Tenor is Lutheran

April 28, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB One of Manitoba’s top Mennonite quartets, The Gospel Bottom Boys, has decided to call it quits after more than thirty years together when it was discovered that tenor Bennie Schmidt was actually a […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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