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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Church Elders to Investigate Member’s Involvement in Wordle Cheating Scandal

February 6, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB The posting of a “highly suspicious” Wordle score by Mrs. Lois Toews of Winkler has spurred on the church elders to investigate. “A 1/6? Seriously, a 1/6? I’ve never seen that in all […]

Unger Conviction

New “Freedom Convoy” to Liberate Mennonites from their Own Church Leaders

January 29, 2022 Andrew

AYLMER, ON Thousands of Mennonites gathered in southern Ontario this weekend to finally face the biggest threat to their personal freedoms: their own church leadership. “For years they’ve told us, ‘Hey, look over there, the […]

Unger Conviction

Sunday School Kids Hold Freedom Convoy from Nursery All the Way to the Pastor’s Office

January 28, 2022 Andrew

AYLMER, ON After being totally fed up by being forced to eat plain Cheerios for snack each Sunday during Children’s Church, a group of Mennonite Sunday school kids stormed out of the nursery this past […]

Unger Conviction

Winkler Megamart to Become One Massive Shed Church

December 21, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB After making absolutely zero effort to enforce provincial health restrictions, a local megamart has decided to transform the store into “one of them shed churches I heard so much about.” “We ain’t got […]

Unger Conviction

New ‘Transformers’ Movie to Feature Mennonites Who Are One Way on Sunday and Totally Different the Rest of the Week

December 8, 2021 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA Michael Bay is set to direct a brand new Transformers movie that features Mennonites who miraculously transform into pious and righteous individuals for just one hour every Sunday morning. “They can throw on […]

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