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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

AGM Scheduled to Coincide with Most Important Game of the Season

February 23, 2023 Andrew

NEWTON, KS The Eighth Mennonite Church of Newton, Kansas obliged all its members to show up and approve the budget right in the middle of the big game this past week. “Yeah, well, too bad. […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Couple Sits Through 3.5 Hours of Avatar But Can’t Handle 20 Minute Sermon

January 28, 2023 Andrew

FRESNO, CA On Saturday night, the Toewses of Fresno sat in a dark theatre for 3.5 hours with no intermission or pee break, but could not handle Pastor Dave’s quick 20 minute sermon the next […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Can’t Remember Where He Parked His Winter Coat

January 15, 2023 Andrew

KLEEFELD, MB Area man Art Loeppky, 75, spent more than 45 minutes in the GMC lobby this morning trying to find his parka in amongst hundreds of other black winter coats. “Jauma! Now where did […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor Launches New Line of $99 NFT Trading Cards

December 26, 2022 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC When Pastor Randy hinted at a ‘major announcement’ this upcoming Sunday, everyone thought it was going to be either a resignation or pregnancy, but instead Pastor Randy unveiled an amazing new series of […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Wears Steel Toe Boots to Church

December 19, 2022 Andrew

KLEEFELD, MB In an abundance of caution, Mr. Plett has taken to wearing his steel toe boots everywhere he goes, including church. “I’m a Mennonite, so of course I don’t care about safety recommendations,” said […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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