Mennonite Woman Stocks Up on Dented Cans and Bruised Bananas


Local woman Mrs. Epp was filling her cart to the brim with dented cans and bruised bananas this week, hoping that she could get a huge discount when she brought them to the till.

“Oh, ooops, looks like I dropped that can of tomato soup. Sounds like 50% off for me!” said Mrs. Epp as she reaced and knocked over a can on the top row. “Oba, nay, not another spill on aisle four! Looks like I’ll be taking home this can of Klik after all!”

Mrs. Epp has been excessively pinching produce and accidentally-on-purpose knocking over cans all afternoon.

“They’ve got a pimply faced security guard watching me, but who are they going to believe? Me or little Dylan Wiebe over there!” said Mrs. Epp. “Nothing stands in my way of a discount!”

By the time all her damaged items had been rung through the till, Mrs. Epp owed the store just $17 dollars.

“This is the only way to shop,” said Mrs. Epp. “Next thing, I’m going over to the lingerie store to stretch out the intimates and claim it was like that when I picked it up. Oba, my Harry is going to be happy tonight!”

(photo credit: Marco Verch Professional Photographer/CC)

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