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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Missing CMU Student Discovered Beneath a Mountain of Hauerwas Books

April 4, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After an extensive nationwide search, CMU Theology student Brian Schmidt was discovered unconscious this past Friday in his dorm room beneath an enormous pile of Stanley Hauerwas books. “Brian’s recovering at the local hospital,” said his […]

The Daily Bonnet

’25 Minutes to Steinbach’ Sign Fails to Withstand Scientific Testing

April 3, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB For decades a sign just outside of Winnipeg on Highway 1 informed drivers that they were just “25 minutes” from Steinbach, the Automobile City. However, rigorous scientific research has proven that the 25 minute estimate […]

Unger Suspicion

Anne of Green Gables Adopted by Mennonite Family

April 2, 2017 Andrew

AYLMER, ON After proving to be more than the Cuthberts could handle, beloved red-haired orphan Anne Shirley was reluctantly adopted by a Mennonite family in Aylmer. “We’ve got fourteen or fifteen mouths to feed as it […]

The Daily Bonnet

How to Tell if a Mennonite is Flirting With You

April 2, 2017 Andrew

As a young Mennonite man I always had trouble figuring out whether Annie or Martha or Bertha was actually interested in me. Just ask my friend Johan. I used to spend hours pestering him with […]

Unger Suspicion

Satire Sites to Post Real News Today

April 1, 2017 Andrew

MADISON, WI On April 1, satirical websites around the world take a break from their regular schedule of posting sarcastic or hyperbolic news and, for this one day, post real news items instead. “It’s really nice […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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