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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

’25 Minutes to Steinbach’ Sign Fails to Withstand Scientific Testing

April 3, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB For decades a sign just outside of Winnipeg on Highway 1 informed drivers that they were just “25 minutes” from Steinbach, the Automobile City. However, rigorous scientific research has proven that the 25 minute estimate […]

Unger Suspicion

Anne of Green Gables Adopted by Mennonite Family

April 2, 2017 Andrew

AYLMER, ON After proving to be more than the Cuthberts could handle, beloved red-haired orphan Anne Shirley was reluctantly adopted by a Mennonite family in Aylmer. “We’ve got fourteen or fifteen mouths to feed as it […]

The Daily Bonnet

How to Tell if a Mennonite is Flirting With You

April 2, 2017 Andrew

As a young Mennonite man I always had trouble figuring out whether Annie or Martha or Bertha was actually interested in me. Just ask my friend Johan. I used to spend hours pestering him with […]

Unger Suspicion

Satire Sites to Post Real News Today

April 1, 2017 Andrew

MADISON, WI On April 1, satirical websites around the world take a break from their regular schedule of posting sarcastic or hyperbolic news and, for this one day, post real news items instead. “It’s really nice […]

Unger & Thirst

Local Man Faces Blasphemy Charges After Putting Ketchup on Perogies

April 1, 2017 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Retired bricklayer, Barney Plett of Waterloo, was arraigned on a wide variety of charges including ‘espionage’, ‘defacing public property’, and ‘attempted murder,’ after photographic evidence suggested he lathered his cottage cheese vereneki in a […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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