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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Inspired by Ukrainians, Mennonites Demand Their Own Christmas

January 7, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB People of the Orthodox faith celebrate Christmas thirteen days after other Christians. After pilfering their vareniki recipe during a century of habitation in southern Ukraine, Canadian Mennonites are now demanding that they get their own Christmas […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Three King’s Day’ Cripples Winkler Economy

January 7, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Local economist Peter Froese estimates that more than $40 million was drained from the Winkler economy yesterday due to the annual Three King’s Day shut-down. “No one knows what the heck this holiday is even […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Lady Caught Turning Around Risqué Magazine Covers

January 6, 2017 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Local woman Annie Loewen, 73, was arrested yesterday at the local Shopper’s Drug Mart after turning over a particularly provocative cover of Vogue magazine that she found offensive. “We’ve had this problem ever […]

The Daily Bonnet

Grandma Penner’s VCR: Rewinding ‘Dr. Zhivago’ Since 1988

January 6, 2017 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB Grandma Penner’s VHS copy of the Siberian epic film Dr. Zhivago has been rewinding in her VCR since the late 1980s and her grandchildren, now grown with children of their own, are excited […]

The Daily Bonnet

Fiery Romance Ignites in Daily Bonnet Comment Section

January 5, 2017 Andrew

GNADENFELD, MB Days after discovering their common interest in Mennonite satire, Daily Bonnet readers Martha of Gnadenfeld and Abe of nearby Schönenberg decided they would meet at MJs Kafe in Steinbach “to see if this might […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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