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Articles by Andrew

Unger Conviction

Rubbers Completely Fill Mennonite Church Lobby

December 27, 2017 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB Chaos and confusion erupted at the North Blumenort Mennonite Church over the holidays as the lobby became filled to the brim with old men’s black rubber overshoes. Things became especially heated when Mr. […]

Quizzes

Quiz: Daily Bonnet or Real News (2017)

December 25, 2017 Andrew

It’s time for our annual “Is it the Daily Bonnet or Real News?” quiz. Have you been paying attention? Sometimes the real news is just as crazy as the Daily Bonnet. Test your knowledge! (Real […]

The Daily Bonnet

Virgin Births Nothing Rare in Mennonite Country

December 24, 2017 Andrew

REINLAND, MB Miraculous conception has been cited as the cause of hundreds of pregnancies this past year in southern Manitoba. The Reinland Mennonite Hospital, for example, reported more than five hundred virgin births in 2017, […]

Unger Suspicion

Santa’s Complete List of Naughty Mennonites

December 23, 2017 Andrew

Anonymous sources close to Santa Claus have revealed his list of very naughty Mennonites to the Daily Bonnet. The following Mennonites will NOT be receiving presents this year, because they’ve been very very bad! (The […]

Unger & Thirst

Fourth Wiseman Rejected for Bringing Halva

December 23, 2017 Andrew

BETHLEHEM, JUDEA The fourth wiseman, Peter Wiebe, who followed the star all the way from the East Reserve, was apparently turned away at the entrance to Bethlehem this week for bringing the dry chalky substance […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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