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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Is Pope Francis a Closet Mennonite?

November 25, 2017 Andrew

VATICAN CITY There are rumbles among the Catholic faithful that their beloved pontiff may be espousing views more consistent with traditional Anabaptism than Roman Catholicism, and some are concerned the Pope may be leading the […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Appoints Man to Lead Women’s Ministry

November 24, 2017 Andrew

SCHRAKJLIJCH, MB The Nominating Committee at the Schrakjlijch Mennonite Church has appointed Mr. Henry Klassen as the new head of the Women’s Ministry. Mr. Klassen previously served as Head Usher for the past 20 years, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Hymn 606 Declared Official State Song of Indiana

November 23, 2017 Andrew

INDIANAPOLIS, IN Indiana Governor Eric Holcomb took time this Thanksgiving to unveil “Hymn 606” as the official state song of the Hoosier State. “Out in Goshen and Elkhart they’re singing this all the time anyway,” […]

Unger Conviction

Pastor Breaks Down, Admits Entire Sermon Was Just Fake News

November 23, 2017 Andrew

ELKHART, IN Pastor Johan Burkholder of South Elkhart Mennonite Church shocked the congregation on Sunday by admitting his entire six-week sermon series on the Book of Revelation was just “fake news.” “I’m sorry, I just […]

Unger Suspicion

A Glossary of Pennsylvania Dutch Profanity

November 22, 2017 Andrew

Believe it or not, there are times when even the Amish and Swiss Mennonites get frustrated. The wind might wreak havoc on your barn-raising plans, or Elder Hershberger might interfere with your courtship of Maria […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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