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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Mennonites Shun Patrik Laine For Shaving Off His Beard

May 28, 2018 Andrew

TAMPERE, FINLAND After a playoff run that ended in disaster against the Vegas Knights, Winnipeg Jets superstar Patrik Laine has left the Mennonite faith and decided to shave off his beard and toss his suspenders […]

The Daily Bonnet

Quilt Cartel Jacks Up Prices at Mennonite Relief Sale

May 27, 2018 Andrew

NEW HAMBURG, ON According to sources, a group of Mennonite ladies from southern Ontario have banded together to control the supply of quilts into the region. The cartel, known as the Ontario Producers of Elaborate […]

Quizzes

What’s Your Denomination?

May 26, 2018 Andrew

There are quite a few theological quizzes out there, but most of them leave various types of Mennonites off the list. This quiz will give you a good sense of where you’re at. Who knows, […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Caught “Enjoying Hot Wings” at Hooters

May 25, 2018 Andrew

MISHAWAKA, IN Local man Andreas Miller, 51, was spotted on social media in the background of a photo taken at the local Hooters restaurant. The photo was immediately brought to the attention of the pastor, […]

Unger Suspicion

Heintje to Perform at Faspa this Sunday

May 24, 2018 Andrew

ALTONA, MB After repeated requests from his Mennonite fans in southern Manitoba, Dutch recording star Heintje is set to perform at faspa this Sunday. Mrs. Bueckert, chairperson of the Altona Heintje Appreciation Society, was especially […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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