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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Ten Thousand Villages Celebrates Ten Thousand Years of Service

May 12, 2018 Andrew

AKRON, PA Founded by the Mennonite Central Committee in approximately 8,000 BC, this year Ten Thousand Villages stores are celebrating 10,000 years of selling fair trade products. “I’m not sure, but I’m pretty sure we’re […]

Unger Suspicion

Entire Province of Manitoba Calls in Sick This Morning

May 11, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After the Winnipeg Jets advanced to the Conference finals for the first time in history, not a single person in the entire province of Manitoba showed up to work this morning. “There seems […]

Unger Games

What Every Mennonite Parent Needs to Know About ‘Fortnite’

May 10, 2018 Andrew

BY: JAKOB B. FRIESEN, CONCERNED PARENT Oba, yo! So all my children are playing this game on the television. I think it’s called ‘Fortnites’. Well, we had a meeting about it with the elders and, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Charged With Adding an ‘S’ to the End of Every Word

May 9, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Longtime Steinbach resident Peter Fehr, 76, has been arrested and charged with excessive ‘S’ usage after undercover police overhead him referring to the neighbouring town of Ste-Anne, Manitoba as ‘Ste-Annes’ on numerous occasions. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Why that Mennonite Boy is Not Texting You Back

May 9, 2018 Andrew

The worst thing about dating these days is when your crush takes, like, totally forever to text you back or doesn’t text back at all! Well I’ve texted with many Mennonite boys, so I know […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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