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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Winnipeg Woman Spontaneously Combusts After Venturing Outside the Perimeter

July 12, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Every Winnipegger’s biggest fear came true last night as one brave soul ventured outside the Perimeter and did not return. Set to become the first Winnipegger ever to leave the city limits to […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winkler Realtor Invites Nosy Mennonites to Wander Around the Friesen’s House

July 11, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Dozens of Mennonite couples showed up at the Friesen home this past Sunday between 2:00 and 4:00 pm even though they had absolutely no intention of buying the place. “We were just there […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Strip Searched at Airport; Security Shocked at What they Found!

July 10, 2018 Andrew

VANCOUVER, BC Mr. Klassen of Yarrow, BC was selected for random screening at the Vancouver Airport this past week. Mr. Klassen had been heading to visit frintschoft in Kansas, when he was pulled aside for […]

Unger Conviction

Revolutionary New Mennonite Church Adds an Extra Two Ounces to Baptismal Water

July 9, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB A new Mennonite church — in reality a breakaway from the old one — plans to revolutionize the way Mennonites do baptism by pouring an extra two ounces of water during the baptism. “Our […]

The Daily Bonnet

Dozens Injured in Annual Pilgrimage to Mennonite Landing Spot

July 9, 2018 Andrew

NIVERVILLE, MB More than thirty Mennonite pilgrims were injured this past week as they gathered for the annual pilgrimage to the spot on the Red River where their ancestors first landed in the 1870s. The […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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