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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Facebook Hires Nosy Mennonite Women to Collect Data on Users

April 15, 2018 Andrew

MENLO PARK, CA Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg announced Friday that he would be hiring Mrs. Edna Martens, 71, of Reinland, Manitoba and her nine spinster sisters to obtain as much information as they could on […]

The Daily Bonnet

Find Out All the Data Nosy Mrs. Martens Has Collected About You

April 15, 2018 Andrew

After being ordered by United States Congress to inform users about the data being collected on them, ‘The Mrs. Martens Files’ reveal the following information that she’s collected about you: your favourite television show: The […]

Unger Conviction

Stage Fright Strikes Local Pastor Moments Before Altar Call

April 14, 2018 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Beloved local pastor Kevin Wall was nearing the end of his sermon and was about to ask the organist to play ‘Just as I Am’ when he was suddenly struck with a severe […]

The Daily Bonnet

How to Become a Cheap Mennonite in 7 Easy Steps

April 13, 2018 Andrew

Mennonites are a frugal bunch. At least we used to be. These days I see Mennonites with the latest second-hand designer t-shirts and jeans without patches. Oba. Back in my day, we never would have […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Fans Ruin Winnipeg Jets Whiteout By Wearing All Black Suits

April 12, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Apparently unaware of the long-standing playoff tradition of wearing white, local Old Order Mennonite Peter Friesen decided to wear his very best black suit to Vanapag Yats game this week. “Vell, I vanted […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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