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Articles by Andrew

Unger Conviction

Naive Young Man Still Clinging to Hope of Meeting Eligible Young Woman in Church

July 3, 2018 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Local bachelor Timothy Wiebe, 23, of Altona is sticking to his guns and showing up to church every Sunday hoping and praying that a young woman his age will miraculously appear. Wiebe has […]

Unger Games

Local Man Dies of Boredom Watching Soccer

July 2, 2018 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Local man Mr. Gingrich, 73, of Kitchener passed away peacefully in his sleep yesterday. He was discovered by his daughter Samantha, who found him on the couch with a World Cup match still […]

Unger Suspicion

Canada Day Ruined as Stoned Singer Totally Butchers ‘Oh Canada’

July 1, 2018 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Thousands gathered in Ottawa today to celebrate the nation’s birthday. However, more than a few people, including one of the anthem singers, were in the city to celebrate a little more than just […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Fakes Injury to Avoid Church this Morning

July 1, 2018 Andrew

MENNO COLONY, PARAGUAY Guillermo Toews, 26, of Menno Colony went down with an injury early this morning, but slo-motion replay shows he’s “clearly just faking it to avoid going to church.” “We’ve seen this kind […]

The Daily Bonnet

7 Things Mennonites Are Allowed to Waste Money On

June 30, 2018 Andrew

When it comes to spending, Mennonites are a frugal bunch. Despite the fact many Mennonites have done well for themselves economically, they’re not the type to flaunt their wealth. You won’t see a Mennonite driving […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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