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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Selfie-Taking City Woman Eaten By Giant Mutant Venus Sunflower Plant

August 6, 2018 Andrew

ALTONA, MB This summer thousands of city people have been flocking to the countryside to trample on farmer’s fields and take their stupid selfies with sunflower plants. Now it seems, the plants are beginning to […]

The Daily Bonnet

Holem de gruel, Armin Wiebe’s website is entertaining yet!

August 5, 2018 Andrew

Well, I was doing some research yet about the language of my people and such and I found out that the great Mennonite novelist Armin Wiebe has an excellent section of his website called “Gutenthal […]

Unger Suspicion

Millions of Homeless Canadian Refugees Flock to US Border After Heatwave Melts Igloos

August 4, 2018 Andrew

TORONTO, ON After temperatures soared to five or ten degrees above freezing this August, igloos have melted across Canada, leaving desperate parka-clad Canadians with no choice but to descend on the United States in large […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Family Still Waiting in Line at Penner Foods Parcel Pick-up

August 2, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Almost thirty years after the store shut down, the Schellenberg family of Steinbach is still waiting on parcel #87 at the parcel pickup line at Penner Foods. “Martha’s birthed three children in this […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Mows Lawn Only Slightly More Frequently than He Shaves

August 1, 2018 Andrew

NORTH NEWTON, KS After years of pestering from his wife Frida, local man Ben Wiebe of North Newton finally broke down and shaved his face this afternoon. The lawn, however, was left at a record […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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