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Articles by Andrew

Unger Conviction

Revolutionary New Mennonite Church Adds an Extra Two Ounces to Baptismal Water

July 9, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB A new Mennonite church — in reality a breakaway from the old one — plans to revolutionize the way Mennonites do baptism by pouring an extra two ounces of water during the baptism. “Our […]

The Daily Bonnet

Dozens Injured in Annual Pilgrimage to Mennonite Landing Spot

July 9, 2018 Andrew

NIVERVILLE, MB More than thirty Mennonite pilgrims were injured this past week as they gathered for the annual pilgrimage to the spot on the Red River where their ancestors first landed in the 1870s. The […]

Unger & Thirst

Visitor to Winkler Gets Severe Case of Mennozuma’s Revenge

July 8, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Failing to heed the warnings not to drink the water, Mr. Peters of Steinbach was left with a severe case of what he described as “stomach problems” after a recent visit to Winkler. […]

Unger Suspicion

Grand Beach Declared ‘Urine Free Zone’

July 7, 2018 Andrew

GRAND BEACH, MB Urinating at Manitoba’s most popular Lake Winnipeg beach this summer will result in stiff penalties thanks to a new law. Grand Beach is now officially ‘Urine Free,’ although smoking and drinking is […]

Unger & Thirst

7 Liquids that Mennonites Just Can’t Resist

July 6, 2018 Andrew

Mennonites have always been landlubbers. I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard a fellow Menno complain about sushi. We’re prairie folk. We like flat fields of wheat and prefer to live nowhere near […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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