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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Manitoba Man Missing Wide Range of Body Parts After Spending Frigid Winter Night Staring at the Moon

January 20, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local man David Peters froze into a solid block of ice this evening as he stood outside in -30 degree temperatures trying to look at the lunar eclipse. Local doctors managed to thaw […]

Unger Games

Loewen Family Totally Destroys Dueck Family

January 20, 2019 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA The Loewen family of Kleefeld totally destroyed the Dueck family of Plum Coulee this past week on the popular game show ‘Family Feud.’ For the Loewens, the victory was seen as sweet revenge […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Accidentally Attends English Service After Sleeping In and Missing German Service

January 19, 2019 Andrew

ROSENORT, MB For the first time in her life, Mrs. Johan Klassen of Rosenort attended a “worldly church service” in the English language. After a late night of canasta with the girls, Mrs.  Klassen slept […]

Unger & Thirst

“I Could Make it Myself Better and Cheaper”: Mennonite Woman Refuses to Buy Anything at Church Bake Sale

January 18, 2019 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB While examining the offerings at the Grunthal Church fundraising bake sale this week, Mrs. Kehler refused to buy a single item, claiming that everything she saw she “could easily make at home much […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Abes’ Opens in Mennonite Town

January 17, 2019 Andrew

NEW BOTHWELL, MB The SPCA is expanding its reach by opening up a branch in the small Mennonite town of New Bothwell. The goal of the new society is to make sure area Abes are […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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