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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Undocumented Workers from Morden Flood Into Winkler

January 30, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER,MB With the construction season fast approaching, hundreds of undocumented schjekbenjels from Morden have been flooding into the neighbouring community of Winkler looking for work. “Jauma, that church lobby was full this morning,” said Mrs. […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Totally Immune to the Corona Virus

January 29, 2020 Andrew

CUAUHTEMOC, MEXICO While panic is setting in around the world, one Mennonite man in Mexico is not in the least bit concerned about the Corona virus. “I’m immune,” says Mr. Ens. “I haven’t touched the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Passport Now Required to Visit Jantsied

January 28, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Authorities at the border crossing in Rosenort have just announced that starting next month Mennonites will be required to show a valid passport when entering Jantsied. The announcement was met with fierce opposition […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Confesses that Ruehrei is the Only Thing He Can Cook

January 27, 2020 Andrew

BLUMENHOF, MB Mr. Unger, 51, of Blumenhof has been making a delicious serving of ruehrei once a week for the past thirty-two years and his wife Wilma has had enough of it already. “Diewel, that man! […]

The Daily Bonnet

Unseasonable Warmth Has Mennonites Flocking to the Pits

January 26, 2020 Andrew

HOCHSTEIN, MB As temperatures have risen well above freezing this week, Mennonites across southern Manitoba have been flocking to the local gravel pits for a swim. “Kjnels, don’t forget the zoat!” yelled Jakob Krahn, as […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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