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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Anthropologists Shocked! Russian Mennonites aren’t really Russian and Pennsylvania Dutch aren’t really Dutch

November 7, 2019 Andrew

WELLINGTON, NEW ZEALAND Anthropological researchers from the University of New Zealand have recently made a shocking discovery about two prominent groups of Mennonites, the so-called Russians and the Pennsylvania Dutch. “Neither one of them are […]

Unger Conviction

Church Puppets Shock Congregation by Appearing Completely Naked

November 5, 2019 Andrew

ELKHART, IN Hundreds of parishioners ran screaming out of the auditorium at Westside Mennonite Church this past week, after a pair of puppets, Chester and Melissa, appeared on stage without any clothes on. The move […]

Unger Suspicion

Confused Hollywood Star Candice Bergen Shows Up at House of Commons in Ottawa

November 4, 2019 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Hollywood actress Candice Bergen was very excited when she heard that she had received 77% of the vote in the Canadian riding of Portage-Lisgar during the recent federal election. “Wow, thanks, folks! I […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Couple Still Late for Church Despite Extra Hour of Sleep

November 3, 2019 Andrew

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN Despite have an entire hour extra sleep last night, the Koops of Mountain Lake were late for church and had to sneak up to the balcony where hopefully the elders wouldn’t notice. […]

The Daily Bonnet

The Daily Bonnet Makes You Famous!

November 2, 2019 Andrew

Hey, so you want to be famous? Well, after the amazing success of our Danny Orlis book giveaway, the Daily Bonnet has decided to have another contest with not much of a prize. Here’s the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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