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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Agrees to Annual Meddachschlop for Her Henry’s Birthday

October 18, 2019 Andrew

CHORTITZ, SK Mrs. Funk, 61, had nearly forgotten about her promise for their annual meddachschlop this afternoon, until her Henry reminded her it was his birthday. “Ah, okay, yes, Henry, is it that time of […]

Unger Suspicion

Conservatives Run Actual Donkey in Mennonite Town, Still Confident of Victory

October 17, 2019 Andrew

KLEINESCHANTZENFELD, SK So confident in the partisan loyalty of Mennonite voters, the Conservative Party of Canada ran a literal donkey in the small Mennonite town of Kleineschantzenfeld and still expect to win 87% of the […]

Quizzes

How much do you know about Mennonite movies?

October 16, 2019 Andrew

Mennonites? Movies? It doesn’t give such! Oh, yes, it does. Mennonites have created and been depicted in film for almost as long as movies have existed. So, let’s see how well you know your Menno […]

The Daily Bonnet

Manitoba Man Melts into a Puddle of Goo within Seconds of Arriving in Paraguayan Chaco

October 16, 2019 Andrew

FILADELFIA, PARAGUAY Peter Thiessen, 21, has melted into a puddle of goo just moments after getting off the plane in Paraguay. Thiessen was a first time visitor to Paraguay where he intended to see his […]

Unger & Thirst

Olive Garden Runs Out of Gift Cards During Pastor Appreciation Month

October 15, 2019 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK Olive Garden locations across the continent have been running short on gift cards after every single pastor received $20 in Olive Garden money for Pastor Appreciation Month. “At first we weren’t sure […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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