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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

People Keep Assuming Kansas Friesens are Secretly Canadian

February 10, 2020 Andrew

MEADE, KS The Friesens of Kansas have an announcement to make: “We’re not Canadians!” “Any time I go anywhere people assume I’m from Manitoba,” said Mr. Friesen. “Gosh, you know not all the Friesens left […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Grandpa Now Charging $8 for Five Minute Piggyback Ride

February 9, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB The entrepreneurial spirit of Mennonites will never die it seems, as Mr. Sawatzky of Winkler is now charging eight bucks a ride for a trip around the church lobby and back. “Your back […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Devastated by Meagre Serving of Farmer Sausage

February 8, 2020 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Mr. Krahn of La Crete has very disappointed in the “puny” portion of formavorscht he was given for supper this past Wednesday. “Looks like no more than a ring and a half!” […]

Unger Conviction

Elder Board Acquits Mennonite Pastor of Bribing Mrs. Friesen

February 7, 2020 Andrew

ROSENHOF, MB After the Faspa Committee overwhelmingly voted to oust Pastor Ron for allegedly bribing Mrs. Friesen to make fried rather than boiled vereniki at last Sunday’s luncheon, the West Rosenhof MGM Grand Church elder […]

Unger Games

Modestly Attired Mennonite Women to Perform at Next Year’s Super Bowl Halftime Show

February 6, 2020 Andrew

TAMPA, FL After millions of Mennonites turned off their television sets (if they had them) and washed their eyes out with soap at this year’s Super Bowl, the NFL has announced that a choir of […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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