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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Generous Jeff Bezos Donates Two Thimbles and a Couple Spools of Thread to Mennonite Quilt Charity

January 19, 2020 Andrew

SEATTLE, WA Already hailed as the “world’s most generous billionaire” after donating the equivalent to what he earns in five minutes to help with Australian wildfires, Amazon founder Jeff Bezos has now donated two thimbles […]

Unger Suspicion

Trudeau Grows Authentic Menno Beard

January 18, 2020 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB At meetings in Winnipeg this week, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau revealed his amazing new Menno beard. “I can’t figure it out. When we last saw him, it was barely stubble, and now he’s […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Family Adopts ‘Baby Yoder’

January 17, 2020 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN The Yoders of Goshen, Indiana are pleased to announce the arrival of their brand new bundle of joy, a short green wide-eared Jedi that they’re simply calling ‘Baby’. “We’re very excited to have […]

The Daily Bonnet

Vancouver Blizzard Blamed on Visiting Relatives from Manitoba

January 16, 2020 Andrew

VANCOUVER, BC By west coast standards, a couple centimetres of snow is a blizzard and can shut down a city. So when such significant weather patterns blanket the region, locals are quick to find someone […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church to Host First Annual ‘Quiet in the Land’ Death Metal Festival

January 15, 2020 Andrew

ELKHART, IN In an effort to attract young people to church, the South Elkhart Mennonite Church is planning a death metal concert to be held in the church parking lot this summer. “In keeping with […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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