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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Andrew Unger Answers the Web’s Most-Searched Questions About Mennonites

June 18, 2020 Andrew

If you’ve ever searched The Google you’ll probably have noticed that they like to predict what you’re going to ask even before you ask it, just like how Taunte Lina always knows before you’re finished […]

Unger & Thirst

Local Garden Thief Claims She Was “Just Trying to Make Somma Borscht”

June 17, 2020 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB An undercover stakeout of the Plett’s garden last night had led the arrest of Mrs. Dueck, 61, caught red-handed stealing all the ingredients necessary to make a delicious somma borscht. “Oba, why’d she […]

Unger Conviction

Churches to Install VLTs as Part of Alberta’s Phase 2 Reopening Plan

June 16, 2020 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB With both churches and casinos set to reopen in coming weeks, provincial officials decided they needed to give churches an equal opportunity to attract patrons to their facilities. “We had to even the […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Free Cotton Swab’ Giveaway Has Mennonites Lined Up for Blocks

June 15, 2020 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Mennonites across northern Saskatchewan were super excited when they heard about this brand new trajchtmoaka in the city who was handing out ‘free cotton swabs’ to anyone and everyone who showed up asking. “Oba, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Swipes Right on Her Own Cousin

June 14, 2020 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Melissa Epp, 20, of La Crete, Alberta was casually scrolling Tinder last night when she stopped on a dreamy young man from Cuauhtémoc who looked to be just her type. “So, naturally […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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