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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Canada’s Top Doc Encourages Mennonites to Wear Masks During Meddachschlop

September 3, 2020 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Canada’s top doctor is “strongly encouraging” Mennonites to wear medical-grade masks during meddachschlop, especially if you’re sharing a nap space with someone who isn’t a first or second cousin. “If this is your […]

The Daily Bonnet

Gambler Wins Big By Betting on Mennonite UFC Fighter

September 2, 2020 Andrew

INDIANAPOLIS, IN Centuries of pent-up aggression have been released in UFC rings this season as the Yoders and other Mennonites seem to be totally dominating their opponents. “I know it seems counter-intuitive, but I’ve won […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winkler Family Plans Exotic Vacation in Morden this Summer

September 1, 2020 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Since international travel remains a no-go this year, Winkler family, the Schroeders, have decided to go someplace they’ve never been to before, that being the neighbouring community of Morden. “We’ve been to Playa […]

The Daily Bonnet

Friesens Brings In Extra Friesens to Print that Daily Bonnet Guy’s New Novel

August 31, 2020 Andrew

ALTONA, MB The demand for Andrew Unger’s new novel Once Removed is so high that Friesens of Altona has got local Friesens working overtime to print copies of the book. “We put out an All Friesen bulletin,” said […]

Unger & Thirst

“Immodest” Mennonite Woman Leaves Her Zwieback Out for All to See

August 30, 2020 Andrew

OSTERWICK, MB Residents of Osterwick were in shock this afternoon after a fresh and delectable zwieback baked by Mrs. Loewen was left out on the table in the church basement all afternoon. “It’s simply not […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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