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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Caught Cheating on ‘Words with Friends’

September 19, 2020 Andrew

FRESNO, CA For the past three years, Mrs. Toews, 71, of Fresno has dominated all her friends in the Scrabble-knock-off Words With Friends. It seems her reign has come to an end after it was […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Mennonite Heritage Week’ Comes and Goes Without a Single Mennonite Noticing

September 18, 2020 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON The second annual Mennonite Heritage Week came and went this year without a single Mennonite in the entire country noticing. “Really? Mennonite Heritage Week? Was that this week?” wondered Mr. Zehr of Waterloo. […]

The Daily Bonnet

McNally Robinson Assures Customers that No Books Will be Harmed During Andrew Unger’s Book Launch

September 17, 2020 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB McNally Robinson Event Co-Ordinator John Toews wants to assure customers that no books or property will be damaged during tonight’s book launch of Once Removed. “We’ve had to take our book launches online lately, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winkler Adopts New More Appropriate Slogan ‘Oba Yo Winkler’

September 16, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB In order to more accurately reflect the local vernacular, the City of Winkler has decided to replace the slogan ‘Yes Winkler’ with ‘Oba Yo Winkler’. “The sign is going to lure more Mordeners […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman’s Glasses are So Foggy She Can’t Even See Who to Judge at the Liquor Store

September 15, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Fogged-up glasses have one advantage in the Mennonite town of Steinbach – they make it absolutely impossible to recognize anyone in the liquor store. “Not only do the masks obscure your face, but […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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