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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Trudeau Hires Mennonites to Administer New $900 Million Roll Kuchen Grant Program

August 19, 2020 Andrew

PLUM COULEE, MB The Trudeau government has just announced a plan to have a few Mennonites from Plum Coulee administer a new $900 million grant program that will provide roll kuchen and syrup to eligible […]

Unger Suspicion

Local Woman Spends All Afternoon Stuck in Line Behind Some Guy Buying Lotto Tickets

August 17, 2020 Andrew

CALGARY, AB Mrs. Froese decided to throw on her mask, hop in her Buick, and stop by at her neighbourhood convenience store for a few things. However, little did she know that her trip to […]

The Daily Bonnet

Altona to Erect Massive Jackson Pollock Right Next to Big Van Gogh

August 16, 2020 Andrew

ALTONA, MB For years, tourists have flocked to the Altona region to see the fields of sunflowers, the beautiful sculpture garden, and the world’s largest Van Gogh. But a petition is going around to add […]

Unger Conviction

Hundreds of Mennonites Show Up at Church on Onewheels

August 15, 2020 Andrew

SOMMERFELD, MB Hundreds of Mennonites abandoned their pickup trucks and minivans and, instead, showed up at church this weekend on electric skateboards called Onewheels. “Oh, you know me,” said Mr. Plett, “I always keep up […]

Unger & Thirst

Local Man Totally Hooked on ‘Mennonite Marijuana’

August 14, 2020 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Even though more potent product is now legal for use in Canada, nothing can stop Mr. Klassen, 83, from chowing down “Mennonite marijuana” every chance he can get. “I get this stuff so […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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