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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Summer Festival Offers Steinbachers an Entire Weekend without Obnoxious Street Racers

June 17, 2022 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Every year, the City of Steinbach shuts down Main Street for a festival known as Summer in the City, which features food trucks, multi-cultural events, live music, and a carnival, but for many […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Can’t Decide Between Shitty Old Truck and Obnoxious Honda Civic

June 16, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Area man Peter Wiens, 19, is in the market for a new ride and has narrowed down the selection to a rusty old Ford truck or a Honda Civic with a stupid spoiler […]

The Daily Bonnet

Ferrari Bans Mennonite Man from Buying Any More Cars

June 15, 2022 Andrew

MARANELLO, IT Prestigious Italian automaker Ferrari has banned Kjnels Wiebe of Taber, Alberta from buying any more cars after he “totally wrecked the aesthetic of the whole thing.” “You should see the spoiler he put […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Offers Barry Trotz ‘Free Farmer Sausage for Life’ to Coach Jets

June 14, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local hockey fan Robert Sawatzky is so eager to get free agent head coach Barry Trotz signed on with the Winnipeg Jets that he’s willing to offer him ‘free farmer sausage for life.’ […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mr. Penner Can’t Believe He’s Now in Charge of Walmart

June 13, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB After “reading somewheres” about his “frintschoft Greg Penner who’s in charge of all the Valmarts,” Mr. Penner of Vankla decided his familial connection earned him a few privileges. “Time for some changes around here […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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