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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Tapes ‘Antiques Roadshow’ Over Hockey Game

April 23, 2023 Andrew

BOISSEVAIN, MB Area farmer Pete Thiessen was ready to sit back with a couple Bud Lights  Lab Lites and watch the hockey game when he discovered that there was something wrong with his VHS tape. […]

Unger & Thirst

Béchamel Sauce Revealed to be Nothing More than Schmaunt Fat

April 21, 2023 Andrew

PARIS, FRANCE The white roux known as béchamel sauce has been revealed to be nothing more than the Russian Mennonite peasant dish known as schmaunt fat. The revelation sent shockwaves across the haute cuisine community. […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonites Suspected in $20 Million Golden Syrup Heist at Pearson Airport

April 20, 2023 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Close to $20 million worth of Rogers Golden Syrup and other valuables were stolen at Pearson Airport in Toronto this morning and police are already on the lookout for various Friesens, Reimer, and […]

Unger Suspicion

Collective Soul Play Casino Just to Make their Fans Feel Old

April 19, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB 90s rockers Collective Soul will be playing Club Regent Casino in Winnipeg this summer in an attempt to make all their fans feel “really freakin’ old.” “Hey, honey, did you see Collective Soul […]

Unger the Influence

Abbotsford Residents Concerned for Columbia Bible College after Poilievre Calls to ‘Defund the CBC’

April 18, 2023 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Residents of Abbotsford, BC, were concerned this week after it appeared that Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre was mounting a campaign to defund their local Mennonite Bible college, the CBC. “Oba, waut de schissjat […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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