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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Cottage Cheese Vereniki Wins Landslide Victory Over Potato and Cheddar Perogies

May 15, 2023 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB The votes have been tallied and it’s no surprise that cottage cheese vereniki is the overwhelming favourite at the Mennonite Heritage Village Mother’s Day buffet. “I like to think of this buffet as […]

Daily Bonnet

Manitoba to Repatriate All Mennonites Who Moved to BC

May 14, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB A new law will require all Mennonites who moved to BC in the last few decades to sell their million-dollar homes and take up residence over near Rosenort somewheres. “For years, we’ve seen […]

Unger Suspicion

WestJet Accidentally Announces New Direct Flights from Winnipeg to Altona

May 13, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB WestJet announced this week a new direct flight between Winnipeg, Manitoba and the bustling Hartsfield-Jackson Airport in Altona. “Starting this fall, we’re offering direct flights all the way from Winnipeg to Altona,” said […]

Unger & Thirst

Funeral Cancelled After Bridge Fire Cuts Off Cheese Curd Supply

May 11, 2023 Andrew

NEW BOTHWELL, MB Funerals in the area were cancelled today after a bridge fire cut off access to the cheese curd factory in New Bothwell. “Jauma, no cheese curds? Looks like we’ll have to postpone […]

Unger the Influence

In Resurfaced Music Video, Danielle Smith Calls 75% of Albertans “Crazy Mennonites Living in an Amish Paradise”

May 10, 2023 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB In a recently resurfaced music video from the mid-90s, Alberta Premier Danielle Smith was caught on camera saying that “75% of Albertans are all crazy Mennonites living in an Amish paradise.” “Hitchin’ up […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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