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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

McDonald’s Installs New Extra Uncomfortable Furniture to Prevent Mennonite Men from Sitting Around All Day Drinking Coffee

January 7, 2024 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Area man Albert Plett, 51, smashed the record at his local McDonald’s restaurant this week by becoming the first person ever to make it through five McNuggets and a handful of fries without […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman’s Sour Cream Container Shockingly Contains Sour Cream

January 6, 2024 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Mrs. Nettie Rogalsky of Saskatoon shocked fellow residents at Menno Dreams Retirement Home this week after it was revealed that all the sour cream containers in her freezer contained, well, sour cream. “I’ve […]

Unger Suspicion

Marty McFly Goes Back 30 Years to the Mysterious World of 1994

January 5, 2024 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Teenage time traveller Marty McFly has just gone back in time 30 years to the strange world of 1994 where things were, like, slightly different than they are now.  “Wow, the ‘90s! How […]

Unger & Thirst

Local Abes Rush to Purchase Last Remaining Chocolate Letter A

January 4, 2024 Andrew

WINKLER, MB When word got out that the Winkler Co-op had just one more chocolate letter A in stock, local Abes rushed to get their hands on it. “Diewel! Looks like Abe Kehler beat me […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Lifts Television Ban Just in Time For that New Menno Sitcom

January 3, 2024 Andrew

WINKLER, MB The MBEMMMCGC Church of Winkler has allowed a “temporary dispensation” to allow parishioners to buy a used TV from the thrift store, prop it up on a bale in the yard, and watch […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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