Aritzia Introduces New Line of Long Denim Skirts for Women Wanting to Look Like They’re in Some Weird Religious Sect


There were lines outside Aritzia at Polo Park this week as the store launched its new line of long denim dresses and other products inspired by the plain dress sects of southern Manitoba.

“We’re tried of getting our inspiration from the runways of Milan and Paris,” said new Aritzia manager Brittney Klippenstein. “From now on it’s Mennonites, Conservative Baptists, and German Pentecostals.”

Hip urban woman have been flocking to Aritiza to get their hands on the long denim skirts, which are priced between $100 and $400 a piece.

“These days, everyone wants to look like they’re in some weird religious sect,” said eager shopper Kaitlyn Wall. “And if it costs me $400 to do it, then so be it. That’s certainly cheaper than tithing.”

Wall and her friends eagerly displayed their new Aritzia dresses at the club on Saturday night.

“All the men were trying to buy me drinks,” said Wall. “Of course I politely declined. I’m German Baptist now or something.”

In other news, Aritiza announced it would be offering a hot new line of men’s products including straw hats, black vests, and manure-encrusted rubber boots.

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