AUGUSTA, GA
Staunch “Biblical literalist” Dave Wright, 61, has finally accomplished his goal of living out the model of marriage as clearly established in the Bible.
“I’ve been collecting wives over the past few years and was at number 699 as of yesterday,” said Wright. “Then finally this afternoon, I married bride number 700. Along with my 300 concubines, I feel I’m the only member of the Southern Baptist Convention who’s truly living a life of Biblical marriage.”
Wright figured when it came to establishing a Biblical model for marriage, he’d look to the wisest man in the Scriptures.
“Gotta go with Solomon, amirite?” said Wright. “There’s just too many people out there who pick and choose what they want to follow in the Bible. As for me, I go with what the Bible plainly teaches, so 700 wives it is.”
Wright is not yet sure how he’ll fit his 700 wives in his Augusta area bungalow, but says he’s sure he’ll find a way.
“When you’re following the Scripture so carefully, there’s gotta be a blessing,” explains Wright. “It won’t be long now before I’m every bit as rich as Solmon, too.”
Wright says he had also considered following the Biblical marriage model established by the Apostle Paul, but figured he couldn’t hack a life of celibacy.
At press time, all 700 wives and concubines could not be reached for comment.
