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Month: June 2024

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Has to Read Every Single Freakin’ Word at the Museum

June 30, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local man Mr. Unger decided to torture his children this week by making them go to the museum this week and read every single last sign in the entire place. “We’ve got to […]

Unger the Influence

Justin Trudeau Plans to Stick Around Long Enough to Become the Next Joe Biden

June 29, 2024 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Despite losing a safe seat in Toronto this week, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau plans to stick around for a while, just like his inspiration south of the border Joe Biden. “Look at […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Town Bans Pickleball After Concerns About “Dinking”

June 28, 2024 Andrew

REINTHAL, SK Pickleball has caught on across the country. However, concerns about an activity called “dinking” has led one Mennonite community to ban the sport. “We want our seniors to live chaste lives,” said Reinthal […]

Unger Conviction

Louisiana Requires All Schools to Display Pictures of Charlton Heston

June 27, 2024 Andrew

BATON ROUGE, LA Starting this fall all Louisiana schools will be required to display life-size portraits of Charlton Heston. Teachers will be asked to photocopy 8.5 x 11 images from the 1956 classic film The […]

Unger Games

Florida Panthers Give Out Free Slurpees Made from Game-Used Ice

June 25, 2024 Andrew

MIAMI, FL In order to celebrate their first Stanley Cup victory since the team arrived in Miami, the Florida Panthers have scooped up all the ice from Game 7 and turned it into refreshing 7-11 […]

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