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Month: October 2023

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Family to Dress Up, Eat Candy, and Pretend Not to Celebrate Halloween

October 31, 2023 Andrew

BLUMENSASK, AB The Ungers of Blumensask have been vehemently opposed to Halloween ever since a particularly stirring sermon from Pastor Ron back in the early 90s. This doesn’t stop them, however, from dressing up as […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Surfs the ‘World Wide Wiebe’

October 30, 2023 Andrew

ALTONA, MB This past week, Jessica Wiebe, 19, finally convinced her grandfather Abe, 86, to go online for the very first time in his life. “He didn’t know how to do anything,” explained Jessica. “He […]

Unger & Thirst

Area Woman Picks “Gross Onions” Off Her Burger while Devouring Her “Delicious Onion Rings”

October 29, 2023 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Area woman Coleen Loewen drew quite the crowd at her local A&W this afternoon as she picked off all the onions from her burger while simultaneously devouring a bag of delicious onion rings. […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Suspends Man 41 Weeks for Using Playing Cards

October 28, 2023 Andrew

AYLMER, ON Area man David Schmidt, 33, has been suspended from church until well into next summer for doing a card trick for his niece Jessica at a recent family gathering. “Ugh, all I did […]

Unger Suspicion

Hallmark Quickly Films Hundreds of Christmas Movies Before the Snow Melts

October 27, 2023 Andrew

VANAPAG, MB The early snowfall in southern Manitoba this week spurred on the production of more than 100 Hallmark Christmas movies, all filmed in rapid order before the snow melts again. “As soon as we […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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