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Month: December 2020

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Spends All Day Tracking Her Amazon Package

December 21, 2020 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Mrs. Loewen of Saskatoon has been eagerly anticipating her package from Amazon this Christmas and has been spending every waking moment checking for shipping updates. “Dietschlaund! It’s still in Flin Flon, Manitoba for […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Twas the Night Before Mennonite Christmas

December 20, 2020 Andrew

‘Twas the night before Mennonite Christmas, when all through the house Not a Penner was stirring, not even Uncle Klaus; The tutjes were all eaten, the halva was all gone, I was lying next to […]

Unger & Thirst

Portland Brewery Offers Vaccine Tasting Flight

December 19, 2020 Andrew

PORTLAND, OR Portland’s hottest craft brewery Beard Oil Brewing Company is planning to offer customers an amazing new flight of vaccines early in the new year. “We’ve been working on this plan for a while […]

Unger Conviction

Friesens Rush to be First for ‘Der Friedensfurst’

December 18, 2020 Andrew

PLUM COULEE, MB As soon as the invitation was made to come to front to sing ‘Der Friedensfurst,’ all the Friesens in the Plum Coulee Mennonite congregation rushed to be first. “It’s our song!” said […]

The Daily Bonnet

Jantsied Extends Border Closure with Ditsied

December 17, 2020 Andrew

ROSENORT, MB After receiving pressure from the authoritarian regime over in Jantsied, government officials in neutral Rosenort have extended the border closure between the two warring nations. “The iron curtain between between Jantsied and Ditsied […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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