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Month: June 2019

Unger Suspicion

Seven Ways the Canadian Senate is Just Like Your Mennonite Elder Board

June 9, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Ahh, the Canadian Senate, a collection of old irrelevant out-of-touch people who somehow have the power to make decisions around here…oh, wait, are we talking about the elder board? Well, there are some […]

Unger Suspicion

Toronto Raptors Hire New Trajchtmoaka

June 8, 2019 Andrew

TORONTO, ON After witnessing the incredible healing powers of his touch, hip-hop superstar and NBA megafan Drake has been hired by the Toronto Raptors as official team trajchtmoaka. “It’s a new position for us. Something […]

The Daily Bonnet

Humble Mennonites Really Proud to Finally Have Their Own Week

June 7, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON In a near unanimous vote on May 29, the government of Canada announced the creation of a new week to honour the nation’s most proud humble residents, the Mennonites. “Not to brag or […]

Unger & Thirst

Poll: What is Your Favourite Flavour of Knackzoat?

June 7, 2019 Andrew

It’s knackzoat season again. Gone are the days when all you had was a plain Papsi and lightly salted zoat. There are so many varieties these days, I’ve got the zoat sweats just thinking about […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Scores Historic Victory on ‘Jeopardy!’

June 5, 2019 Andrew

CULVER CITY, CA Mrs. Lina Dueck, 31, outwitted Abe Hiebert this past week, ending Abe’s reign of more than 30 games to become the new Jeopardy! champion. “He made a risky gamble on that hog […]

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