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Month: March 2017

The Daily Bonnet

Wife Frustrated With Husband’s Inability to Take a Flattering Selfie

March 21, 2017 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Area woman Erin Peters, 31, became completely fed up this past weekend with her husband Bob’s complete inability to take an attractive selfie. “That man is totally inept when it comes to taking […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Demand Winnipeg Mayor to Change the City Name to ‘Vanapag’

March 20, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Thousands of Mennonites from across the city surrounded Winnipeg City Hall on Friday demanding that Mayor Bowman change the name of the city to Vanapag. “We’re here today to express our desire to […]

Uncategorized

City Mennonites Live Vicariously Through ‘Farmville App’

March 19, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Mennonites in urban areas across North America who long to return to the pastoral days of their youth, but find the hours and smell a little unpleasant, have been role-playing the life of a […]

The Daily Bonnet

City to Replace Surveillance Cameras with Mennonite Ladies

March 18, 2017 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA In an effort to increase security and reduce costs of surveillance, the city of Lancaster has voted to remove all security cameras and replace them with nosy Mennonite ladies. “Basically they’ll just do […]

Uncategorized

Mennonite Dad Disciplines Toddler Live on BBC Television

March 17, 2017 Andrew

YARROW, BC After his 3-year-old daughter Andrea stormed into the bedroom while he was live on the BBC discussing Mennonite-Amish relations, local dad Dick V. Peters, 41, took his young daughter aside and firmly scolded her for the inappropriate […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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